Surpassing

I stare at the skies

my heart aching

from my own defeats.



How much longer can I erect my own banner

rally my one-man army

by the sheer force of optimism,

that fades when I run out of strength.



I wear masks;

of sorrow, smiles and wisdom

to protect and delude myself

I have nothing but these masks

To make things worse, I am talking to myself.

I am insane.



I stand on the edge of myself and what is beyond me.

Something in me must count.

Something resonates deeply in me,

that I am fearfully and wonderfully made

My spirit won't be snuffed out like this.

It must not be like this.



I discipline my body to fight against my adversary

I prepare my spirit to war against a burglar.

But they always come in ways I do not expect

and whip my behind.



I am

but the moral expectations of the flawed ones

expected acheivements of myself

and the hand given by God to me.



I am cracking under the strain. I can only think.

To surpass this mortal common self



I contemplate the heavens, the compassion

the cold heart, the nature of forgiveness

hypocrisy and damnation. the depths of the unexplainable

the mad chase of wind by man being of apes or man?

the political problems in this world.



Who has gone up to heaven and come down?

Who has gathered up the wind in the hollow of his hands?

Who has wrapped up the waters in his cloak?

Who has established all the ends of the earth?

What is his name, and the name of his son?

Tell me if you know!



Each question jumble up my mind,

till it cannot hold in anymore

the balloon is dangerously filled with too much air

b e f o r e i t e x p l o d e s

taking me along with it into empty oblivion

where we just don't care anymore.



Then there is that poor soul who

jumped into the MRT tracks

or hanged or got stalked or got plain unlucky.

Kick back on my unseen hammock

and while life away

for a little while more



Things aren't that bad when you put

them into perspective,

with a certain pair of eyes.